Lycan-X (Commercial Skit)
Process Message: The audience will learn how to effectively reduce the symptoms of being a werewolf using a product called Lycan-X.
SCENE 1
Int. Dungeon
Talking werewolf in cage
WEREWOLF
When I first learned that I had Lycanthropus Americanus, I was devasted. Turning into a fearsome murderous monster every month for three days can put a strain on relationships, bring down property values, and make it difficult to hold down jobs. For thousands of years werewolves have had to decide between cages or certain death for friends and family.
FRIEND
You forgot to take your Lycan-X. (He extends the Lycan-X package to the werewolf in cage on a long pole with pincers)
The werewolf attacks the package and devours it. He transforms into a man and his friend opens the cage.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Now with Lycan-X, you can leave your cage door open. What does this mean?
SCENE 2
EXT. NIGHT
Werewolf as man steps outside and breathes the fresh air under a full moon.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
It means you can go outside any day or night of the year. It means no more waking up naked in the woods surrounded by entrails.
Two hot girls come up to either side of Werewolf as Man. He puts his arms around both of them.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Got an important date? Go on it. Flying to London or Paris? Book the midnight flight.
Girl 1 holds up chains.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Chains? Who needs 'em?
Girl 2 holds up ropes.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
We all know ropes don't work. (He tosses the ropes aside.) With Lycan-X, freedom is peace of mind.
VO
Lycan-X contains active ingredient colloidal silver and in some lycanthropes may cause headache, dry-mouth, bleeding from extremities, hair loss, eyeballs popping out, first degree burns, and in rare cases, spontaneous explosions. People without Lycanthropy should avoid taking Lycan-X as colloidal silver has been known to turn people blue.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
I use Lycan-X. Shouldn't you?
END.
SCENE 1
Int. Dungeon
Talking werewolf in cage
WEREWOLF
When I first learned that I had Lycanthropus Americanus, I was devasted. Turning into a fearsome murderous monster every month for three days can put a strain on relationships, bring down property values, and make it difficult to hold down jobs. For thousands of years werewolves have had to decide between cages or certain death for friends and family.
FRIEND
You forgot to take your Lycan-X. (He extends the Lycan-X package to the werewolf in cage on a long pole with pincers)
The werewolf attacks the package and devours it. He transforms into a man and his friend opens the cage.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Now with Lycan-X, you can leave your cage door open. What does this mean?
SCENE 2
EXT. NIGHT
Werewolf as man steps outside and breathes the fresh air under a full moon.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
It means you can go outside any day or night of the year. It means no more waking up naked in the woods surrounded by entrails.
Two hot girls come up to either side of Werewolf as Man. He puts his arms around both of them.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Got an important date? Go on it. Flying to London or Paris? Book the midnight flight.
Girl 1 holds up chains.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
Chains? Who needs 'em?
Girl 2 holds up ropes.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
We all know ropes don't work. (He tosses the ropes aside.) With Lycan-X, freedom is peace of mind.
VO
Lycan-X contains active ingredient colloidal silver and in some lycanthropes may cause headache, dry-mouth, bleeding from extremities, hair loss, eyeballs popping out, first degree burns, and in rare cases, spontaneous explosions. People without Lycanthropy should avoid taking Lycan-X as colloidal silver has been known to turn people blue.
WEREWOLF AS MAN
I use Lycan-X. Shouldn't you?
END.